I'm Sorry for Being a jerk...

The past couple weeks, I have been in a funk.  Its causing me to treat some of my friends poorly.. one friend in particular.  Depression likes to creep up on you at the least opportune times. Don't get me wrong.  I do not consider myself depressed, or to suffer from depression, but I have been  stricken by the "blah", more often than not.  I try to maintain a positive attitude, but sometimes the "I miss her" factors, are too over bearing.  

   It has been almost 3 months since the break up.  I have done a lot of good things for myself!  I am waaaaaaay more active then I have ever been.  I lost a lot of weight.  I have made lots of new friends.  I do fun activities 6 out of 7 nights a week.  Unfortunately, my new found lust for life, is lacking one thing.  I was warned that she was a heart breaker from the beginning, and she swore to never break mine.  But, as I do with most relationships ( friends and lovers ) , I took things for granted, and feel that I am the cause for the end results.

  Not a single minute goes by where I do not think of her.  I need to move on,  but I have never felt so weak in this department.  I have met a lot of new women, and have gone on a fair amount of dates, but as my friend Sinead always said " nothing compares to you ". That was cheesy and lame, with the borderline gay, haha. I apologize.

   I am pretty sure she has a new boyfriend.  I don't know for a fact, but that is the assumption I am making.  I lost all contact with her.  I do not see her on myspace, Ichat, and I erased her number out of my phone so I cannot call or text her.  And, I guess I am just typing this thing to vent.  I don't have anyone to vent to. I may have ruined, at least temporarily, my friendship with the one friend out here, who I feel I could REALLY talk to.

  I Love life, and I love what I have done with myself.  I look great and feel great.  I just think I may have been brainwashed into thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with this girl, and I need the mind warp to wear off.  So, in the meantime there is nothing for me to do.  Time heals all.  I just wish the clock's hands would spin a little faster...